Would Be Great If!

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN
ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S.
PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR
REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING
SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the
defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any
more money on this war, our mission in Iraq
is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete
removal of all American forces from Iraq.
This action will be complete within 30 days.
It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains
the names of countries which have stood by
our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria,
Australia, and Poland are some of the countries
listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the
first list. Most of the world's nations are on
that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening. Let me
start by saying that effective immediately,
foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases
immediately and indefinitely.

The money saved during the first year alone
will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi
war. The American people are no longer going
to pour money into third world Hell-holes and
watch those government leaders grow fat on
corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an
epidemic? Call France. In the future, together
with Congress, I will work to redirect this money
toward solving the vexing social problems we
still have at home. On that note, a word to
terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
will hunt you down and eliminate you and all
your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize?
Try France, or maybe China.

I am ordering the immediate severing of
diplomatic relations with France, Germany,
and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades.
We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance,
mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to
begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles
located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be
stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about
whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have
tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes,
Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the
finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on
List 2 Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of
each other; you folks might want to try not pissing
us off for a change.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his
entire corrupt government really need an attitude
adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and
infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I
am going to put em? Yep, border security. So
start doing something with your oil.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating
the NAFTA treaty - starting now. We are tired of
the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling f
or oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's
oil needs for decades to come.

If you're an environ-mentalist who opposes this
decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country
and move there. They care. It is time for America
to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.

Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them
by saying, "darn tootin."Nearly a century of trying
to help folks live a decent life around the world has
only earned us the undying enmity of just about
everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time
to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time
to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks
guys. We owe you and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You
might want to learn to speak Arabic. God bless
America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher.

If you are reading it in English, thank a
soldier.

Author--Unknown